The Healing of the Gerasene Demoniac.

Then they sailed to the territory of the Gerasenes, which is opposite Galilee. When he came ashore a man from the town who was possessed by demons met him. For a long time he had not worn clothes; he did not live in a house, but lived among the tombs. When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell down before him; in a loud voice he shouted, “What have you to do with me, Jesus, son of the Most High God? I beg you, do not torment me!” For he had ordered the unclean spirit to come out of the man. (It had taken hold of him many times, and he used to be bound with chains and shackles as a restraint, but he would break his bonds and be driven by the demon into deserted places.) Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “Legion,” because many demons had entered him. And they pleaded with him not to order them to depart to the abyss.
A herd of many swine was feeding there on the hillside, and they pleaded with him to allow them to enter those swine; and he let them. The demons came out of the man and entered the swine, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned. When the swineherds saw what had happened, they ran away and reported the incident in the town and throughout the countryside. People came out to see what had happened and, when they approached Jesus, they discovered the man from whom the demons had come out sitting at his feet. He was clothed and in his right mind, and they were seized with fear. Those who witnessed it told them how the possessed man had been saved. The entire population of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them because they were seized with great fear. So he got into a boat and returned. The man from whom the demons had come out begged to remain with him, but he sent him away, saying, “Return home and recount what God has done for you.” The man went off and proclaimed throughout the whole town what Jesus had done for him.                                                                                                 – Luke 8:26-39

I had a conversation many years ago with my mom. I had been attending therapy for anxiety that had appeared in my life, seemingly out of nowhere, and the psychologist had suggested I ask my mom a question about a family topic. In retrospect, I think he was encouraging me to have a conversation, any conversation, with my mom, because at that time I may not have been communicating all that much with her, although my husband and I were living with her in the house she owned. I was working outside the home, my husband was working, my mother was working, and it seemed like we all were just going in and out of the house, at all our random times, and we weren’t talking to one another, except for mealtime pleasantries.

Our conversation that day moved in a different direction from its starting point. And as so often is the case, my mom was right on target with an observation. She said that she and I were different in our approaches to life’s problems. She said “You confront things. When there is a problem, you face it, and try to fix it. You don’t run away.” She said “I am not a confronter. I tend to hide and hope that the problem will resolve itself.”

And so, this confession: I have been avoiding writing this blog. I am thinking: maybe I’ve changed. Maybe I no longer confront. Maybe now I am a hider.

Actually, I have been avoiding many things. Since my husband died in September last year, I have been avoiding a lot of life’s problems. I make an effort here and there, and I have been sort of successful in resolving some of the issues that are now on my single plate. But mostly, I have been hiding. I have not confronted. I have hoped the problems will just go away.

Sigh…

So now, today, the time has come. To re-assume the mantle of confronter. To deal with the big problems that are still here, that I am facing now without my husband.

The Bible is full of examples of all different types of problem solvers. David, king of Israel, is perhaps one of the most successful.

In his youth, David was so brave. He ran up to the giant Goliath with a mere slingshot. He confronted Goliath, defending the name of the Lord, the God of Israel, and he seemed to be unconcerned with the outcome. He went forward because he believed he was doing what was right. And God was with him. He would be victorious. He would conquer.

Later in his life, David may have forgotten the lesson of his battle with Goliath. Some time later, he ordered a census to count his own army. At first, it doesn’t seem like taking this census would be too bad an idea, but it was David’s reason for taking the census that got him in trouble. Maybe he was suddenly afraid. Maybe he even was acting prideful. He had forgotten that his victories were always because God had gone into the battle ahead of him.

Sigh…

When I started writing today I had come from the grotto so full of the gospel I read there. It tells the story of the demoniac of the Gerasenes. I can’t tell you how many times I have avoided thinking too much about this reading. I have hidden from the story, and in not confronting because it was so unpleasant to me, I missed its amazing message.

It isn’t a pretty story. The man is so possessed that he doesn’t even wear clothes; he has lost all dignity. The demons inside him drive him out into deserted places. He lives in the cemetery; the demons had separated him from society around him. Thinking about this today made me feel his loneliness. In the past, I have felt separated from others by my anxiety. I do spend a lot of time at the cemetery too these days, alone with my sadness.

But see, this is how Jesus could heal him. He was so far removed from the comforts of society that he sought out the Savior. He approached Jesus naked and fell down at Jesus’ feet on the beach to acknowledge Him as the Son of the Most High God. Jesus ordered the demons to leave the man. He sent them, at the demons’ begging, into a herd of swine, who ran into the lake and drowned.

After this, after they have seen the results of this incredible miracle, that a man’s life has been healed from possession, the “entire population” beg Jesus, the worker of the miracle, to leave the region. The translation says they were “seized” with fear.

I can understand their fear seizure. They have seen the once disturbed man sitting in his right mind, fully clothed. This is a tremendous miracle. For me, their seizure implies that their fear is their sudden reaction to God’s awesome power demonstrated in their world. They might have thought: maybe I’m next, I’m not as bad as that fellow who lived out there by the tombs, but my life won’t stand up to God’s scrutiny. And they must have been so afraid that their comfortable lives would change if they let Jesus continue His mission in that region.

I have imagined that the last part of this story is the message God wanted me to hear today. The man wants to follow Jesus now, he doesn’t want to leave Jesus’ presence. But Jesus tells him to go home and tell the story of God’s healing miracle in his life. And the man does what Jesus instructed. The man in that gospel story was healed by Jesus and the townspeople found him in his right mind sitting at Jesus feet. I feel I too was healed by Jesus. The man wanted to stay with Jesus after that, but Jesus told him to go back to the town and tell every one he met that he had been healed by Jesus. I too would rather sit quietly in a church, at Jesus’ feet and worship God there, but I will also do what Jesus asked, and that is to tell every one that Jesus is my Savior. He saved my life and His gospel is real.

I believe in that message. I believe that Jesus wants me to tell everyone who will listen that God found me and healed me of my intense anxiety so many years ago. And recently Jesus came and healed me again when the anxiety returned to torment me.

I want to tell everyone the truth of my life: Jesus is my Savior.

But I am understanding as I write that God may also want me to hear this today:

Don’t avoid the problems that are crowding your life now. If you truly believe in Me, then you will go forward, out from the tombs. You will know, through your faith, that I will go ahead of you. You will confront. Face the giants. Look for Me. And I will meet you. You are not alone. I am with you.

When my husband had been gone a few months, the security guard at the entrance booth of my daughter’s college saw that I had been crying when I went to pick my daughter up that day. I often remember what he said that day to me: “How’s the hardest working woman in New Jersey? When you go home today, look in the mirror and you know what you will see? You will see a conqueror!”

I needed to hear that message that day. And I need to hear it now.

That is who I want to see looking back at me from the mirror. I want to see a conqueror. With the help of Jesus, I will.

Praise God Who Loves and Who Saves.

Prayer for this evening:

Dearest Lord,

You know my weaknesses. You know how I am often afraid of the future these days. I pray that I will always know that You will be with me and that I will stay strong in that knowledge. I pray for all the others who, like me, will come out from hiding behind the tombs. I pray that they will walk out into Your Joyous Light, Your Son Jesus, who is The Light.

In the precious name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray,

Amen.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”                     Matthew 7:9-11 New International Version (NIV)

As I ran out the door this morning to drive my daughter over to her workplace, I grabbed a wrapped “skinny” ice cream cone from my freezer. After I dropped my daughter off, I found a parking space on a quiet street, unwrapped my breakfast, and went to town on that ice cream before it melted all over my car. And in those moments, I began having these thoughts…

I had a memory of my husband asking me what I wanted before he crossed a street toward an ice cream truck. As was often the case, I had a hard time making up my mind. The crumb coated bar with the hard chocolate candy in the middle? The plastic cone of icy sherbet with the gumball on the bottom? Oh, the possibilities… Eventually, I came to a decision. And he always came back with what I had ordered.

This morning though I had this one thought. This is what I might have told him so many times in the past 38 years…  “Surprise me.”

You see, I’m one of those people who claim to not love surprises. I’m one of those people who like to know ahead of time what the plan is. I remember that not too long ago we ran out of gas at around midnight, and as my husband glided to a stop under a highway overpass, the words “So, what’s your plan?” were already leaving my lips.

When I think of the friends that I’ve made over my adult life, I would guess that the majority of them are like me, middle-aged, the kids grown now, but we are still in the habit of organizing the family. I think some of my friends – actually, I know many of my friends – like their plans even more than I like mine.

Here’s what I forgot:  My husband loved to surprise me.

When we first started dating, I was younger and so much more trusting of the world. The truth is, I had fallen so deeply in love with my husband, and the little things like where we went or what we did just never mattered. What mattered only was that I was with him, that we were together.

A few years ago, he secretly bought us tickets to a Bob Dylan concert. I was always a big fan and I had never been to a Dylan concert. He guarded that secret for a month at least. Here’s the thing: the night of the concert I had an idea that he might surprise me with something special. But I forced myself not to try to guess the surprise. And as we sat in our seats there, I felt my husband’s quiet, sublime joy.

That’s the secret of surprises: they can bring great joy to the giver.

In September, it will be one year that my husband is gone from this earth. And this morning, I thought I should have let him surprise me more. Because if I had let him do that, I would know his heart better today, when I can’t ask him his thoughts or feelings, and know even less of them because I too often needed to control the outcome. I would have seen how tender-hearted he could be as he picked out something he thought I would like. I would see that he really loved me, so much more than I let him show me. And I would have given him joy.

I thought about God, my Father and the One who loves my soul. I thought that God must love to surprise us. Nature is full of the evidence of this – so many variations of beautiful color, of wonderful smells, of amazing sounds, of delicious tastes. God created so many different varieties of plants and flowers, of birds, of animals, of fish.

I remembered that when Jesus first found me, I fell so in love with Him that everything He showed me was exciting. I let go of so many things that I thought I needed to control. I let myself be surprised, and how amazing and beautiful His surprises and revelations were.

I think that God loves to give us good things.  If we trust Him enough to receive the gifts – the gift of His Son Jesus, the gift of His Holy Spirit – we would see His Heart, how tender His feelings are for us. We would begin to understand that He loves us more than we can know. And this is amazing: when we come to trust Him, we give Him joy.

I can give God joy, just by letting Him love me. That’s incredible.

I thought I had few regrets whenever I think of my husband and my marriage. And it’s true. I think we treated one another kindly and we loved one another deeply. But today I discover I do have one regret: I wish that I would have let him surprise me more. I wish I would’ve seen even more how much he loved me. I wish I could have given him even more joy.

Today I know this: I don’t want any spiritual regrets at the end of my life. I want to live a life that allows God to surprise me – maybe even one that can give God joy.

Jesus tells us in the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15) that heaven rejoices when one sinner repents, when one of us realizes that God’s plans for us are bigger and better than the plans we have for ourselves. Heaven celebrates when we decide to follow God.

Maybe they throw a party – a surprise party.

Prayer for today:

Dear Lord,

I praise You. You have created this good and amazing world and all the good things it contains. I thank You for Your gifts that I have received – my beautiful husband and the marriage we shared for nearly 30 years, my children, my family and friends, my health and theirs, the food I eat and the house I live in. Most of all, I thank You for the gift of Your precious Son, the Lord Jesus, who gave His life for ours, and Your Holy Spirit, who enlightens us and comforts us as we wait for Jesus’ return for us. I pray for all those who have not received Jesus yet. I pray for the too many people who suffer now in this world. I pray to learn to share better the gifts I do have, and to have an open heart to receive all You want to give me, so that I can help Your children.

Thank You for loving me.

In Jesus’ precious name I pray,

Amen.