“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”                     Matthew 7:9-11 New International Version (NIV)

As I ran out the door this morning to drive my daughter over to her workplace, I grabbed a wrapped “skinny” ice cream cone from my freezer. After I dropped my daughter off, I found a parking space on a quiet street, unwrapped my breakfast, and went to town on that ice cream before it melted all over my car. And in those moments, I began having these thoughts…

I had a memory of my husband asking me what I wanted before he crossed a street toward an ice cream truck. As was often the case, I had a hard time making up my mind. The crumb coated bar with the hard chocolate candy in the middle? The plastic cone of icy sherbet with the gumball on the bottom? Oh, the possibilities… Eventually, I came to a decision. And he always came back with what I had ordered.

This morning though I had this one thought. This is what I might have told him so many times in the past 38 years…  “Surprise me.”

You see, I’m one of those people who claim to not love surprises. I’m one of those people who like to know ahead of time what the plan is. I remember that not too long ago we ran out of gas at around midnight, and as my husband glided to a stop under a highway overpass, the words “So, what’s your plan?” were already leaving my lips.

When I think of the friends that I’ve made over my adult life, I would guess that the majority of them are like me, middle-aged, the kids grown now, but we are still in the habit of organizing the family. I think some of my friends – actually, I know many of my friends – like their plans even more than I like mine.

Here’s what I forgot:  My husband loved to surprise me.

When we first started dating, I was younger and so much more trusting of the world. The truth is, I had fallen so deeply in love with my husband, and the little things like where we went or what we did just never mattered. What mattered only was that I was with him, that we were together.

A few years ago, he secretly bought us tickets to a Bob Dylan concert. I was always a big fan and I had never been to a Dylan concert. He guarded that secret for a month at least. Here’s the thing: the night of the concert I had an idea that he might surprise me with something special. But I forced myself not to try to guess the surprise. And as we sat in our seats there, I felt my husband’s quiet, sublime joy.

That’s the secret of surprises: they can bring great joy to the giver.

In September, it will be one year that my husband is gone from this earth. And this morning, I thought I should have let him surprise me more. Because if I had let him do that, I would know his heart better today, when I can’t ask him his thoughts or feelings, and know even less of them because I too often needed to control the outcome. I would have seen how tender-hearted he could be as he picked out something he thought I would like. I would see that he really loved me, so much more than I let him show me. And I would have given him joy.

I thought about God, my Father and the One who loves my soul. I thought that God must love to surprise us. Nature is full of the evidence of this – so many variations of beautiful color, of wonderful smells, of amazing sounds, of delicious tastes. God created so many different varieties of plants and flowers, of birds, of animals, of fish.

I remembered that when Jesus first found me, I fell so in love with Him that everything He showed me was exciting. I let go of so many things that I thought I needed to control. I let myself be surprised, and how amazing and beautiful His surprises and revelations were.

I think that God loves to give us good things.  If we trust Him enough to receive the gifts – the gift of His Son Jesus, the gift of His Holy Spirit – we would see His Heart, how tender His feelings are for us. We would begin to understand that He loves us more than we can know. And this is amazing: when we come to trust Him, we give Him joy.

I can give God joy, just by letting Him love me. That’s incredible.

I thought I had few regrets whenever I think of my husband and my marriage. And it’s true. I think we treated one another kindly and we loved one another deeply. But today I discover I do have one regret: I wish that I would have let him surprise me more. I wish I would’ve seen even more how much he loved me. I wish I could have given him even more joy.

Today I know this: I don’t want any spiritual regrets at the end of my life. I want to live a life that allows God to surprise me – maybe even one that can give God joy.

Jesus tells us in the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15) that heaven rejoices when one sinner repents, when one of us realizes that God’s plans for us are bigger and better than the plans we have for ourselves. Heaven celebrates when we decide to follow God.

Maybe they throw a party – a surprise party.

Prayer for today:

Dear Lord,

I praise You. You have created this good and amazing world and all the good things it contains. I thank You for Your gifts that I have received – my beautiful husband and the marriage we shared for nearly 30 years, my children, my family and friends, my health and theirs, the food I eat and the house I live in. Most of all, I thank You for the gift of Your precious Son, the Lord Jesus, who gave His life for ours, and Your Holy Spirit, who enlightens us and comforts us as we wait for Jesus’ return for us. I pray for all those who have not received Jesus yet. I pray for the too many people who suffer now in this world. I pray to learn to share better the gifts I do have, and to have an open heart to receive all You want to give me, so that I can help Your children.

Thank You for loving me.

In Jesus’ precious name I pray,

Amen.